What Ifs
by purplepagoda
Summary: Olivia's personal life is hijacked by Barba. What will she do when he sets her up with a familiar face with no notice?
1. Chapter 1

She enters the arena, and takes her seat. It is a rainy afternoon, and she just happens to have a ticket to a Knick's game. The arena is loud, as people file into their seats. It is rare that she gets a day off, and even rarer that she has a day off without her son. On this particular afternoon Noah is at a birthday party with Amanda, who insisted Olivia take the afternoon off. She grins, as she looks down at her snack, and beer. She hasn't gotten to take in a game in person for years. She briefly glances down at her phone, but the screen is blank. She knows it is only a matter of time before duty calls, as it always does. She watches people pass by as she settles in her seat. She looks up, and finds a familiar face taking the seat next to her. She furrows her brow, as he makes eye contact with her. He is a certain tall, handsome lawyer. Trevor sports an uncharacteristically casual look. He is wearing a pair of grey sneakers, some blue jeans, and a t-shirt with the Knick's logo on the front of it.

"Small world, huh?" Trevor grins.

"I guess so."

"Who are you here with?" Trevor questions.

"I am here by myself," she beams.

"No Noah?"

"He is at a birthday party, with Amanda. I was banished by her. My son actually waved me off when we got there."

"I see."

"Who are you here with?" Olivia inquires.

"Myself. Just out of curiosity where did you get your ticket?"

"Barba gave it to me, he said that he had to go out of town unexpectedly."

Trevor grins, "He gave me the same sad story."

"What do you think his agenda is here?"

Trevor shrugs, "Maybe he did have to go out of town, and he was just being nice."

"I doubt it."

"Don't let me stop you from enjoying the game."

An hour later, and a few drinks later Olivia, and Trevor are laughing, and having a good time. They trade stories, and grins, and barely notice the ballgame going on around them. They are oblivious to the cheering fans, or loud buzzer. For a moment they break eye contact, and shift their focus to the game. The Knick's are down by fifteen. Trevor clears his throat. Olivia turns her head to look at him.

"We could get out of here. I posit that your M&M's didn't make a very nutritious lunch."

"I also had alcohol," she points out.

"Ah yes, hops, and chocolate, the lunch of true winners."

She can't help but laugh.

"I guess I was asking if you would like to join me for lunch."

"Okay," she agrees.

* * *

A couple of hours later he walks her back to her apartment from the restaurant they had lunch at. She stops at the door, and turns to look at him, as she digs for her keys.

"Noah isn't going to go to a movie with Amanda, and Jessie after the birthday party. Do you want to come in?"

"I wouldn't want to impose."

"I have wine," she offers.

"Okay," he agrees.

Olivia has fallen asleep, by the time that Noah arrives home. She hears someone knocking on her door, and rolls over to look at the clock. She sits up in bed, and quickly reorients herself. She climbs out of bed, and heads for the door. She smooths her hair with her hand. She checks the peephole, and finds her son waiting on her on the other side. She pulls the door open, and he greets her with a hug.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yes, and I ate cake," he grins.

"I am so glad you had fun."

"Can I go play with my trucks?" He questions, as she hugs him close.

"Yes," she nods.

Amanda stands in the hallway, with Jessie on her hip.

"Did he do okay?"

"They both had a blast," Amanda admits.

"She looks worn out."

"They did a lot of playing. Did you have a good afternoon?"

"I did."

"How was the game?"

"The Knicks lost."

"Oh well, as long as you had a good time."

"I did."

"What did you do after the game?"

"Grabbed lunch, and came home, and took a nap. It was glorious."

"I'll see you at work. I am going to get her home, she's tired."

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?"

"I'm going to head home."

"Bye. Thank you."

"Anytime."

Olivia retreats into her apartment, closing the door behind her. She finds Noah sitting at the coffee table lining up his cars. She takes a seat on the floor next to him.

"Should we race?" She asks him.

"Yes," he nods, as he grins from ear to ear.

"Which car would you like to be?"

"This one," he points.

"The green one?"

"Yes."

"Can mommy be the black one?"

"Okay," he agrees.

"Ready, set, go."

He laughs hysterically as his car flies off the table. Olivia grins at him.

"Oops," he giggles.

"You are a silly boy. Did you enjoy the movie?"

"Uh huh. How were the Icks?"

She laughs, "The Knicks."

"Who are the Knicks?" He queries.

"They are a team of guys who play basketball."

"Oh."

"You don't sound interested," she realizes.

"I like cars."

"I know."

"And cake," he adds.

"That is the second time you mentioned cake. What kind of cake did you have?"

He shrugs, "I don't know it was red."

"Red? Was it red velvet?"

"No," he shakes his head, "It tasted like fruit."

"Cherry?"

"No. Oh it was pink, not red," he remembers.

"Pink?"

"It was 'trawberry," he recounts.

"Strawberry?"


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia is sitting behind her desk, when she hears someone coming towards her. She looks up, and finds Barba approaching her. He enters the room, and takes a seat across the desk from her.

"You called me down here, why?"

"Can you close the door, please?"

He nods, and vacates his seat. He closes the door to her office, and returns to his seat. He folds his hands in his lap, and tilts his head to the right.

"What is this about?"

"I wanted to personally thank you from the ticket to the game."

He squints, "Nope, doesn't sound right."

"Also, keep your nose in your own business, Barba."

He furrows his brow, "What are you talking about?"

"I felt set up," she answers.

"With Trevor? Trevor isn't your type, is he?"

"No."

"You don't date lawyers," he reminds her.

"Then why did you give Trevor the other ticket?"

"His ex-wife took their daughter out of town for a spring break trip, on his weekend. He had made plans with her. I felt sorry for him. I didn't think you would mind keeping him company for a couple of hours. I'm sorry."

"Just show me some courtesy, and give me a heads up next time," she chides him.

"Duly noted."

"That's all."

"Did you have a good time, at least?"

"I did."

"Trevor might be a lawyer, but he is a good guy."

"Bye, Barba."

* * *

A few weeks later she finds herself meandering into the coffee shop near the station one dreary, grey afternoon. She groans as she steps inside, and sees the length of the line. A tall, handsome creature turns towards her, from the front of the line. He grins at her, and steps forward to the counter. She hears him vocalize, "Make it two," as he glances back to look at her. Within a few moments he exchanges cash for dark caffeine infused liquid. He motions for her, and she vacates her position near the back of the line. She follows him over to a table. She begrudgingly takes a seat in the crowded coffee shop. His eyes light up as they meet hers. He smiles widely, as he pushes the second cup of coffee in her direction.

"Thank you," she exhales.

"I'm not the enemy," he reminds her.

"Not today," she counters.

"You look tired," he points out.

"Noah was up most of the night with a stomach bug. There is nothing like bathing a puking kid at two o'clock in the morning. I had to give him the trash can to puke in, while I attempted to get him clean. It was ugly."

"You didn't stay home with him today?"

"Actually, I did. I just ran to the precinct to take care of a few things. I am headed home now," she checks her watch.

"I should really get going."

"I hope he feels better."

"He seems fine today. He is eating popsicles on the couch, watching cartoons, and he didn't have to go so school."

"I know that you are against taking advice, but I would like to give you a piece."

"Go on."

"Treasure sick days, especially when they're on the mend. They grow up way too fast. I wish that I had taken my own advice."

"Thanks for the coffee, and the advice."

"Any time," he smiles, as she vacates her chair.

* * *

She polishes off her coffee, as she walks through her door. She relieves the sitter, and makes a beeline for the couch.

"Can mommy join you?"

He shrugs, "I s'pose."

She furrows her brow, "You suppose? Where did you pick up on that word?"

"Mommy, I going to school tomorrow," he informs her.

She scoops him up, and snuggles under his blanket with him.

"You are already sick of watching cartoons?"

"No. I better."

"Oh, I see."

"You can go back to work," he adds.

"Now?"

"Tomorrow," he clarifies.

"So it's okay, if we just snuggle on the couch, right now?"

"Yes. Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"Did you have a mommy?"

She tilts her head, and wonders what his little brain is thinking about. "Yes, Noah. Why?"

"I be sad if I didn't have a mommy."

"Noah…" she trails off.

"Who takes care of boys who are sick, if they don't have a mommy?"

"Sometimes their daddy."

"Mommy, I need to tell you a secret."

"A secret, what kind of secret?"

"Will said something to me at recess."

"What did he say to you? Was it something that upset you?"

"No."

"What did he say, Noah?"

"A word."

"What kind of word? A bad word?"

He shrugs, "I dunno know."

"You don't?"

"I not know what it was."

"You don't remember the word?"

"I 'member."

"Oh, you don't know what it means?"

"Uh huh."

"What was the word?"

"Adopted."

Her heart skips a beat. She tries not to panic.

"Will is a mean boy," Noah adds.

"Noah, why was Will talking to you about that word?"

"He said he was adopted."

"Yes, Will is adopted."

"I told him me adopted."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Cause he said it meant that his mommy picked him. He didn't grow in her belly."

"That is right."

"I not a mean boy, like Will."

"No, you're a sweet boy, Noah. Noah what makes you think that you are adopted?"

"Cause I am. You told me. Mommy don't you 'member? We talked 'bout it."

"We did," she nods.

"You readed me that story about a bird who found a mommy."

"Yes, I did. What do you think about being adopted?"

"I think it means you'll let me watch some more cartoons."

She starts laughing, "Really?"

"And I can have cereal for dinner."

"Because you're adopted?" She questions.

"No, silly," he puts his hands on her cheeks, "cause you're my mommy, and you want me to feel better."

"Cartoons, and cereal will make you feel better?"

"An' a little ginger ale."

She rolls her eyes, "You are so silly."

"Please, mommy," he sticks out his bottom lip.

"Only because you are only little once."

"Yes!" He slides off the couch, and races into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?"

"Me need ginger ale!"

"Okay, I'm coming."


	3. Chapter 3

Fin picks up the phone situated on his desk. Amanda is approaching her desk, as he presses the phone to his ear. The call is brief, and he quickly hangs up.

"We just got a call about a rape in Central Park," she informs him.

"Take Carisi," he informs you.

"Shouldn't we wait on Liv?"

"That was who was on the phone. She called to let us know that she will not be in today."

"Noah is still sick?"

"No. He is responsible for making her sick. She sounded like death warmed over."

"Which means that you are in charge," she assumes.

"For the day," he points out.

* * *

The following day Olivia heads off to work, hoping that her nausea will soon subsides. She has barely managed to take a seat at her desk, when Fin knocks on the door. She motions for him to come in.

"You still look a little green around the gills," he observes.

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure, because if you're not up to snuff…"

She cuts him off, "Fin, I'm fine. What's up?"

"I have a request," he responds.

"Have a seat," she gestures.

"It's not that kind of a request," he reveals.

"What's up?"

"Don't leave me in charge of these hooligans next time. It is like herding cats. I am just saying, I think it is someone else's turn, next time."

"Okay." She agrees, shooting him a questioning look.

"Really?" His eyebrow arches.

"I think that it would be good for Amanda to have some experience being in charge."

"Great."

"Is that all?"

"Don't grill Carisi too much about his injury," he answers as he turns to leave the room.

"Whoa! Hold it. What injury?"

He turns back around, "He's got a contusion to his face. He will be fine. It looks worse than it is."

"Fin, what happened?"

"He had a little incident when he was chasing a suspect."

"He was assaulted?"

"I wouldn't call it that."

"What would you call it?"

"Wrong place, wrong time."

"Did he apprehend the suspect?"

"Only because he was laughing so hard he stopped running."

"Why?"

"In the middle of the chase Carisi tripped. In the process of trying to keep from hitting the pavement he reached out to catch himself. He grabbed an elderly lady's purse. She thought he was purse snatcher. She broke his fall with a pretty stiff left hook."

"Was an incident report filled out?"

"It was. All of the proper procedures were followed after we stopped laughing. A passerby caught it on video, so it may or may not be on youtube."

"Great."

"Lorraine met with the police commissioner herself. She suggested that the NYPD stop hiring young hoodlums, with no respect for their elders."

"How old was Lorraine, excactly?"

"She is an eighty-nine year old woman who went to the drug store to pick up her prescription."

"How bad can it be?"

"She wasn't a body builder."

"I sense a but," she responds.

"However, she does lift five pound weights every day, in order to prevent further osteoporosis."

* * *

Amanda enters the locker room, and hears the sound of retching. She doesn't immediately investigate. She opens her locker, and peers inside. She studies her provisions, and finds a fresh, unopened bottle of mouth wash on the top shelf. She grabs the travel size bottle, and heads into the bathroom. She leans against the sink, waiting for the occupant to exit. She hears the door unlatch, and her superior comes out.

Olivia stops at the sink, but says nothing. Without a single word Amanda offers her a bottle of Scope. Olivia nods, and swishes the green liquid around her oral cavity. She spits into the sink, and grabs a paper towel. She washes her hands, and finds Amanda still standing suspiciously close.

"This is like day six of the stomach bug. At what point do you start to wonder if you have something going on other than the norovirus?"

Olivia shrugs, feeling defeated, and drained, "That is a good question."

"I am not trying to pry…" Amanda begins.

"Then don't."

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

Olivia furrows her brow, "Really?! I am too damn old for that."

Amanda shrugs, "I don't know your life."

"That ship has sailed."

"You're clearly not getting any better. Why don't you check in with your doctor?"

"I will do that."

"You say that, but I don't buy it. You never take time to meet your own needs. You're always too busy taking care of your squad, or your son."

"I am sure that it is just some food poisoning. If it doesn't clear up by tomorrow I promise I will go to the doctor."

"I will drag you there if I have to."

"Fin is right," she mutters under her breath.

Amanda furrows her brow, "About what?"

"I shouldn't leave him in charge."

"Why not?"

"You are more cut out for it."

"I certainly wouldn't let someone get a shiner from an elderly woman on my watch."

"I actually already scheduled a doctor's appointment. I won't be in until around nine. Can you hold down the fort until then?"

"Absolutely," Rollins agrees.

That night, at home Olivia tosses, and turns. No matter where she lands in the bed she can't seem to get comfortable. She sighs in defeat, when she hears little footsteps coming her way.

"Mommy?"

She sits up in bed, and reaches over to turn on the light, "Huh?"

"I had a bad dream."

She scoots toward the middle of the bed, and pulls back the covers, "Come on."

He snuggles up next to her. She eventually doses off to the feeling of cold feet on her legs, and the smell of strawberry shampoo.


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning she arrives at the precinct a few minutes after nine. Her appointment has resulted in some dietary recommendations, and a prescription of Zofran. She has just managed to take a seat at her desk, when she hears someone clear their throat. She looks up, and finds Trevor standing in front of her.

"To what do I owe the pleasure? Are you here to represent the Red Ribbon Rapist, or the guy who was just caught raping a student teacher during a school field trip?"

"I am not here on official business."

"Why are you here?"

"I was hoping that we could have lunch."

"I rarely eat food," she fibs.

"I was hoping you could make an exception."

"I doubt that I will have time to go out for lunch. It will likely be take out again."

"You have to be in court around eleven, right?"

"It shouldn't take too long, though."

"I have an appointment at eleven at the court house as well. Could we grab coffee on our way out?"

"Why are you here?"

He smirks, "For you."

She nearly blushes, "You should go."

"You are just too guarded to admit that maybe you like me a little bit, too."

"Coffee, after court," she agrees.

"It's a date," he turns to leave.

"Not even close," she argues, as he heads out the door.

* * *

The next couple of weeks are incredibly busy. A few weeks turn into a month, and Spring quickly rushes towards the cusp of summer. Olivia has the day off to spend with Noah. They head off to the park, after breakfast. She follows him closely as he feeds the ducks. Soon they make their way to the swings. She pushes him, until she's certain that he is going high enough, and encourages him to pump his legs. Eventually he finds other kids to play with, and he doesn't require her undivided attention. She takes a seat on a bench.

"Fancy meeting you here," a familiar voice comments.

Olivia looks up, and finds Amanda standing next to the bench. Jessie is passed out in her stroller. Amanda takes a seat next to her.

"She finally passed out after going up and down the slide about a hundred times."

"Noah still hasn't run out of energy."

"He does have a lot of energy. I don't know how you do it."

"Some days not very well."

"Don't sell yourself short," Amanda argues.

"I've just been feeling tired lately."

"You chase after perps day in, and day out, and then go home, and chase after him. How could you not?"

She shrugs, "I guess you've got a point there."

"You haven't been very spunky lately."

Olivia glances at her watch, "I should get him home for lunch."

"Okay."

* * *

After lunch Noah lays down for a brief nap. Olivia finds herself sitting on the couch, in a rare moment of silence. She turns on her computer and begins trolling the internet. She soon grows bored of this, and heads into the kitchen for a bottle of water. On her way to the fridge she notices Noah's sandwich crust lying on his plate on the counter. She grabs the plate, and tosses the crust into the garbage. The smell of peanut butter permeates in the air. She suddenly feels nauseated. The moment soon passes.

* * *

She finds herself standing over a pile of bodies in a basement on a rough end of town. She shakes her head, as she looks at the bodies in varying stages of decay. She quickly exits the basement as the smell reaches her nose. She feels sick, but ignores the wave of nausea. She meets Fin outside the building on the street. The morning air is already heavy with humidity. She shakes her head.

"This is not how I wanted to start my day."

"This building was slated to be demolished at eight o'clock. The foreman realized when he was reviewing his checklist that nobody had checked the basement in the past couple of weeks. He said he recognized the smell before he hit the bottom of the stairs."

"Six bodies, in two weeks? Unbelievable."

"They still haven't gotten into the boiler room, there could be more. They can't get the steel door unlocked."

"So far we have six victims all with signs of sexual assault. Whoever this is has been pretty busy."

"The foreman has a suspicion of who is responsible for this."

"Was it him?"

"You know we're going to look into that. He suggested that it was his degenerate nephew. The kid can't get a regular job, because when he was seventeen he was working at a center for those with developmental delays, and he was convicted of assaulting one of the patient's there."

"Where is he now?"

"He was supposed to be here an hour ago. He probably got spooked when he saw the cop cars."

"Find him."

"You okay?"

"Fine," she lies.

"You sure? You don't look too hot," he responds, as the color drains from her face.

"I just feel hot," she answers. Suddenly faint is a second symptom. Luckily Fin is paying attention, and catches her before she hits the ground.


End file.
